Sharing the experience!

                                                    My experience at the FINCA!!!

              (This is a short first-hand experience from my Dad of his Finca visit!)

 Since Natalie left Jacksonville on 8/13/14, I had been counting the days until 3/8/14!  I originally thought we would visit in August or September 2014. However, a beautiful opportunity presented itself when Natalie informed us the Ross Family was traveling to the FINCA during Spring Break! Sweet Pea and I said we are ALL IN! haha. (Let me tell you, experiencing the FINCA with Greg, Cathy, Matthew, and Tiffany Ross was AMAZING!!!) I was a little nervous. Of course I was very, very, did I mention VERY EXCITED to see my beautiful daughter, Natalie!!! However, what would a trip to Trujillo, Honduras entail? Break out Rosetta Stone, learn the language, get in shape, get all supplies packed, coordinate passports, communicate, line up work, off we go!!!

What a Beautiful country!!! Mid 80's, Caribbean Ocean breeze, sunny, relaxed, laid back. Who needs roads? haha Wash your car in the river!!! Even more beautiful than the weather were the PEOPLE!!! AWESOME, AMAZING CHILDREN AND ADULTS who may have little from the USA material perspective, but have EVERYTHING from the LOVE OF GOD AND NEIGHBOR perspective!!!

Starting the visit with a Fiesta for a young boy turning into a man on his 15 birthday!!! What a beautiful celebration!!! Everyone in their Sunday best giving glory to God for a soul going to a higher level of service for our LORD!!! It was a full day, so we turned in. Fall asleep to the ocean breeze and  wake up to the call of the rooster - that continues all day!!! haha

Monday go to serve in the clinic!!! Being a pharmacist for thirty years was a gift from God

that I was happy to share!!! What amazing work being accomplished by Natalie, Pediatric nurse, and Laura, ARNP. They are a great team bringing quality of life to the children and community with God's grace. Helping sick babies, stitching up teenage boys from Machete accidents, assisting young moms - the list goes on and on!!! Most recently LIFE FLIGHTING a young boy suffering from seizures that would have taken his life without appropriate medical attention!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

We were blessed to attend HOLY MASS on the farm. The singing of the children is still ringing in my ears. I wish I could fly ALL of them to Jacksonville, FL to sing in our parishes! Their voices are so beautiful and INSPIRING!!! I love the way they sing the Lamb of God in Spanish!!! The HOLY MASS is beautiful in any language!!! I was happy to be present for the celebration of the HOLY EUCHARIST in Spanish!!!

 PRESENT!!! Truly, this is the ONLY way to understand the work of the HOLY SPIRIT in Trujillo, Honduras at the FINCA and in the community!!! The missionaries are AMAZING!!! They are roughing it, but they lift up their sacrifices DAILY for HIS HIGHER PURPOSE!!! Serving those children and community!!!

I was very blessed to be immersed in this PRESENCE OF THE HOLY SPIRIT!!! I truly enjoyed every minute. Whether it was serving in the clinic, playing baseball with the children, helping cook at the mission house, or walking into the community outside and around the FINCA. The people in the community are truly the hands and feet of Jesus Christ. They offer you a plastic chair in their humble home and all the love you can receive. I was truly humbled by their outpouring of love of God and neighbor!!!

 It is really difficult to put into words all the HOLY SPIRIT is accomplishing in Trujillo, Honduras. I was sooooo blessed to be a small part of HIS WORK!!! I would encourage ANYONE and EVERYONE to participate in ANY way GOD is calling you to. It may be a visit. Linda and Larry Forseth have AWESOME accommodations at Tranquility Bay, just 8 minutes North of the FINCA by foot on the most Beautiful beach!!! Their hospitality is second to none. Meals are delicious!!! Larry is a pilot if you would like to take a day excursion to a neighboring island. Linda is an awesome cook, plays a heavenly harp, accompanied by an angelic voice. Their fellowship enhances your experience.

 Another way to participate - the first way - is through PRAYER!!! Heartfelt, 24/7, sincere prayer for the children, adults, and missionaries that HIS will be accomplished. That HE will provide the grace necessary for the instruments the missionaries TRULY are!!!!

 Financial assistance is always welcome. You can imagine all the needs of 30 children, the people that care for the children, and the supplies and resources necessary to accomplish HIS WORK in Trujillo, Honduras!!! 

 Words can not do justice to the AWESOME WORK being accomplished!!! The Gospel of our Lord, Jesus Christ truly comes ALIVE at the FINCA in Trujillo, Honduras!!! I would be happy to share any additional experience that may be beneficial to your call to serve!!! ALL THE BEST!!! THANK YOU LORD FOR GIVING ME THE OPPORTUNITY TO SERVE IN TRUJILLO, HONDURAS AT THE FINCA!!!!!

Natalie, I know there is soooooo much more to say!!!! To give HIM glory for all we experienced. I hope this helps to encourage other to serve in the way HE is calling!!!

Love, Pappi

 

 

It's not my foot that hurts...

Thank you so for all those who read and responded to my last blog post. I chose to share some of the harder, more real experiences with you not for pity, or recognition, or even because I personally wanted to, but because I have been asking our Lord to teach me how to love. His response the Holy Spirit prompting my heart to share more of myself. This has been a struggle for me because I would rather give myself through listening to others. It is safer because even though it still requires giving, you are not vulnerable. However, our Lord has been teaching me that this is not true love. To truly love is to share yourself, your real self. My life, these experiences are not just for me. It is one of the hard lessons I am learning at the moment, along with another one I'd like (or rather our Lord would like me) to share with you called humility:)

 

So know that I have shared with you my mentally and spiritual struggles, and now I will share with you some of the physical. So I have been struggling on and off with bouts of stomach sickness (vomiting and diarrhea) since Guatemala in August. The first 2 months I blew it off as transition in language school. Then when we arrived at the Finca I attributed to stress, diet change, fried food, a few days when we had no water and then it came back super dirty, and a million other reasons. Gracias a Dios I took amoeba meds and I haven't had problems since, and not a day too soon because now I'm on crutches!

 

...So I was running from house to house early in the morning Dia de Amor y Amistad, Valentine's Day, delivering flowers to our beautiful girls and as I was running sliced my foot on something. Of course being a nurse my mind quickly switched into assessment mode. Blood, need to stop the bleeding. Can I make it to the clinic? Nope ok closest house. House 1 but it's full on little girls (ages 7-10), hmmm next best option house 2 (teenage girls). I felt so bad as I hopped over there with blood pouring out of my foot because the girls faces were like, "oh no what do we do? what's going on? there's so much blood." So thank God I stayed calm and He helped me delegate tasks, "Someone please give me a towel so I can stop the bleeding, someone please run to the missionary house and grab the other nurse, (This would have been a great time to call the clinical team phone but there's no service in Trujillo at the moment...gotta love Honduras.) and don't worry about asking for permission because all the missionaries are still sleeping. haha. ( We always as for permission before entering anyone's house). So poor Laura (missionary NP) shows up looking very confused. ( I can't imagine the story she got coming over) and she helped me hop over to the clinic. 

 

So many people have been asking what happened with the sound of pity in their voice as if that is supposed to help me feel better, but really I consider it a blessing. Everything happens for a reason. And this I have recognized to be a continued lesson of humility. Practically speaking I have better access to health care here then in the states! I help run a clinic, and I live with an NP! I didn't have to wait in any line or even traffic to get to a hospital. Laura did a great job stitching me up within half and hour.

 

Crutches is another story! I don't know how many crutch teachings I've given. haha. but I don't know what else to say but it's hard. I remember our PT always asking what kind of setup people had a home, stair. Well we have dirt paths, rocks, sand, stair without rails. It's like the xgames for crutches!:)

 

No but seriously, it's not my foot that hurts. This lesson has truly been hard for me, as I sit with my foot elevated and let others help me. I am a person, who by God's grace has been given gifts to serve, to keep going and giving even when you're not sure where the energy or strength will come from, and not because I feel this self-righteous, holier than thou desire, but because that is what truly makes my heart beat. It is when I'm serving others that I my whole being feel alive. Letting others serve me on the other hand is unknown territory for me. I don't like how it feels, I feel without purpose, I feel lazy, like I'm not giving. It is very humbling. My missionary family, the kids, and the tias, have been ready and willing to help me and I have been struggling to let them. I feel like Peter, and the Lord is trying to wash my feet and I'm telling Him no Jesus you can't as He responds well then you can't enter the kingdom of heaven." Ok Jesus but I can't do it, you have to help me. And He has been. It is the continuation of the lesson of how to love more truly. You can not truly love if you do not know how to receive it. 

 

Although my arms are sore, and my humanness is frustrated my soul recognizes the great growth that is taking place. I've never been a big fan of Valentine's Day, I am truly grateful for the special gift of love that our Lord gave to me this day in the form a small cut on my foot that reminded me  of the fragility  of our humanity. It showed me how dependent we need to be on our Lord and each other, and though it is a small, give me the opportunity to unite my small suffering with His own in the cross.

 

My grace is sufficient for you...

⁹ But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

These last couple of weeks have been challenging for me, and I think for everyone in general. The majority I think would say we have feel overwhelmed and at the ends of our ropes and yet somehow we still manage to keep going. Though it's really hard to describe our experiences down here without truly understanding the context, Our Lord has put it on my heart to share a little from my journal with you.

 Tuesday night

"Señor mio,

Yo no pude describir las cosas que ha pasado este semana y mis tantos emociones. (My Lord, I cannot describe the things that have happened this past week and all my emotions.) I don't understand how I can be so at the end of my rope, and yet You give me the strength to go on :) On Tuesday, after a four hour meeting about the events that have happened and coming up with a plan, between cooking dinner and breakfast, trying to be present to the kids, community night...feeling lack of support from all sides, I went to bed defeated. I was hoping selfishly when I woke up that they wouldn't be many people at the clinic. My heart dropped as Laura and I approached and saw at least 20 people outside. Oh but Jesus how generous You are, thank You for such a beautiful friend in Laura. She looked at me and said, "We can do this. Let's pray." We prayed together and You provided us the energy and we finished up around 3:) and I still had energy to coach girls soccer and put on tema (catechesis ages 7-12), and then after that...just when we think we're in the calm we had 2 other emergencies..."

Thursday

 "Oh Jesus,

Today, what a day. Despite that I felt I couldn't possibly do more Tuesday, here it is Thursday and somehow we're still going. We heard that the father of Selvin & Elvis (2 of our employees) was sick so we made it a priority to go visit and bring supplies to help. (Don Hildofonso contracted meningitis 2 years ago and has been paralyzed from the waist down since. His wife has been by his side caring for him night and day.) It was an experience I can't even describe and for this I am glad You know my heart:)

 When we entered the room and I looked at this man or what was left of his earthly body, I could just see the suffering in his face. We sat and listened while his wife told us of her troubles with the hospital, how they weren't coming to the house, or giving them supplies (home health in nonexistent here), and how when they did go to the hospital no one attended to them for 8 hours!

 While a sister-in-law was giving her goodbyes tearfully, I stood close to the door to give them the little privacy that I could. Looking around the sun was shining, birds chirping, this beautiful but simple 2 room, open concrete house, with a view out the window people pay for back home, and yet so much suffering. A common phrase you hear, "Eso es la vida" That's life. And it's so true, the world keeps going. This lady, who I just met today, is saying goodbye to her family, knowing that this will be the last time she will see him. How do you ever plan a goodbye like that?

We asked permission to tend to his three ulcers (2 of which were necrotic), urinary cath and place an IV. (He was very dehydrated. He had not been wanting to drink because his throat hurt. On examination he also had thrush) Oh Jesus, how thin he was, and his ulcers! Thank You for giving me the strength to care for him. All the while watching the true sacrificial love of his wife attending every need. Si Dios quiere (If our Lord wills it) I desire to give myself to someone in this way, one day:)"

Placing an IV on a person who probably hasn't had anything to drink for at least day, weighs about 70lbs,  and all you have are 20G needles is a bit daunting. I was asking our Lady to help me find a good vein. The first one "blew" and as I sat there looking for another vein I was desperately pleading with our Mother. "Mami, he needs this fluid and we only have 1 IV left. Please guide my hands because I have no special equipment, no PICC nurse if I can't get it, this is it." Thanks to the grace of our Lady, she guided my hands and we were able to get a bolus going. One of his son was carving a big stick outside to use for a pole to hang the fluids. Our plan was to come back Saturday and reassess.

We let him rest and we ate lunch that one of his daughters prepared for us. Their family had been involved since the beginnings of the Finca. They were sharing stories of all the old missionaries with us. What an important role each person has played in their lives...Jesus I just feel like I am truly living when I am there with the people in the pueblos. I don't even know how to explain it. Laura and I were both so grateful to go and I can't even explain how much I enjoy having a friend with whom to share these experiences.

"We left after about 4.5 hours, just in time to give the women's group a ride to visit them same family:) What a beautiful community! Thank God I was able to nap for an hour, but oh Jesus waking up I learned that Don Hildofonso had left this earth. Just an hour ago I was with him. How fragile life is, and how quickly it can change! All that could come to my mind was the verse, when Elizabeth exclaimed to our Mother at the visitation, "¿Cómo he merecido yo que venga a mí Señor?" ("Whom am I that the mother of our Lord should come to me?") But it was, who am I Lord that I should have the privilege and the honor of caring for You in the flesh the last 4 hours this man remained on earth? Did I care for him as if I was looking into Your face? Was I just in task mode attending to his body? Did I give him the dignity and respect as a person? Did I just torture him in his last few hours redressing his wounds and placing an IV? I didn't even know this man and I was chosen to spend 4 hours with a man who would die in the next 2, why?"

In my selfishness as I sat there thinking how I felt, a fellow missionary said he would be going at 7pm to pay his respects to the family and if anyone wanted to come. I was surprised to learn that we were going to pay our respects the same night, but said of course I would want to. 7pm? But it already 5pm? It just seemed so strange. Not only did we go but all the missionaries, and the 2 oldest houses with their house parents, and most of our watchis (security). As all of us packed into the busito and headed up the mountain the road was lined with neighbors all walking up to the vigil! How beautiful is this community! I mean this man passed away at around 4pm and here it is not even 7pm and these people have stopped their lives to go and support this family. I know many beautiful and giving people back home, but still I have never seen a community as a whole stop their lives within 2 hours to just be present with another. It was a very humbling experience. When we arrived the house and the yard were packed with people. There must have been at least 100 people. There were people helping cook, they were people serving drinks, and they were people just sitting outside, but their support for the family was overwhelming to me. A lot of times I think if I'm doing anything that I'm not really helping and yet these people understood the importance of their presence. Laura and I made our way into the crowded house in attempt to see and give a hug to the family. As we were waiting in the kitchen I watched as his sons carried a coffin into the room I had been in only hours before and we all listened to his wife wailing as it was sealed with nails. I have never heard a coffin being sealed, but each pound to the nail just brought into the realization the profound silence that would follow, not so much in the room, but for his wife. She is a lady of great faith. She had told us earlier that day that she was ready to accept the Lord's will and she knew that might mean that he would not recover the way he had other times. She said I know I say this know but it will be different when I walk into the room and it is quiet.

We made our way around to all the family, and our hearts hurt with them and for them. Sometimes all you can do is give an embrace, and often I find it is more comforting.

As I sat back down, one of the neighborhood kids came and sat with me and a Kit (missionary) told me, Angel, (neighbor child), said my mom says we're staying until the mañanita and then we're going to go home so I can change to go to school. This just blew my mind. So I learned it is customary to have a velatorio o vigil the night that someone dies to support the family every hour for the entire night.

As we headed out with the kids around 11pm I just remember that despite all my surface emotions of sadness and confusion mixed with exhaustion, deep down there was a current of deep joy and appreciation to have been a witness and to live and share these experiences with this community.

 

Quote

Back story:

Tiffany and I were running when road became blocked by cows and bulls. We were discussing about how significant her red shirt really as we ran past.


"I heard that was a myth, but he's looking at me funny!"

"Haha. You're right, he is!"

Now after writing this out...sounds like a, "you had to be there" type of moment. oh well. haha

Quote

Favorite quote from last week:

"It's about 28C."

"I'm American! What does that mean?!" (In a really dramatic voice. Love ya Tiff :)

Love

I guess it's how love works but 2 months ago I thinking of myself and when my vacation home would be and asking God to give me love for this community. Now I feel such a love for this community and especially for these kids I'm not sure how I will be able to come home for a month. I don't even really understand the how I can love people so immensely that I have only known for 4 months. I imagine it to be similar to becoming a parent and seeing your child for the first time, the amount of love our Lord graces you with for a person you just met :)

This is home

I know that my posts are becoming farther apart. I want to thank all of you for your patience and understanding in this time of transition especially in communication. I have had to let go a bit with my relationships back home in order to live more fully in communion with those here. A missionary friend once told me, "I'll see you in the Eucharist." I never truly understood this until living here. I truly, by the grace of God, believe this and when I stare at Him in our chapel I meditate on each on our your faces.

Many people have asked me if I feel like I have adjusted. The answer is yes. On a daily basis I still feel the emotional ups and downs, for example, "Why Lord do you have a white gringa, who isn't bilingual and who doesn't fully understand the culture here in the middle of Latin America with these children? Don't you have anyone better? And other days I just feel so great that I just had a whole conversation that made sense and was more than just about food or activities.  Beneath the emotional waves of the surface God has blessed me with the current of joy in my vocation as a missionary. Though I have always felt this underlying current, my turning point was December 23rd. 2 other missionaries and I had just attended Posadas in the outside neighborhood and were mediating on how grateful we were to be apart of it. We came back to find the rest of the missionary family all hands on deck with American Christmas music blaring from the library, and a sea of present for the kids. We joined them and as I looked around, meditating on how different this Christmas was, the first time in my life unable to share it with my family, knowing that we wouldn't be going to bed anytime soon but we would be up early in the morning, God gave the grace to smile and inside I knew a peace. The peace of embracing my vocation as a missionary. I have a new missionary family, and as we shared chocolate and cookies sent my someone's parents (thank you!) and organized and wrapped present while listening to Bing's White Christmas in Honduras, I realized how privileged I am to come to know these 10 people in a way that most people never know their friends. These people will become my family and they will see the good and bad inside of me We will share my joys, laughs, sorrows, frustrations, bad and good habits :) And hopefully we will come out loving each other in the end:) This is what it means to be family.