Vísperas

Happy Monday! Just gotta love those mondays. I thought I would just share a monday story with you. So coming off retreat high and back to the "finca week" I was off to a rough start, trying to gather up all the grace I could this morning during prayer. But you know Satan somehow manages to steal that extra 30minutes of morning that you would've liked to prepare yourself for the day…yup that's how it started. Anyways clinic days while beautiful and I always feel so blessed from the interactions with the patients can sometimes be overwhelming and you walk up the dirt road pass house 5 and strain your eyes to see through the bushes that surround the entrance. Are the bancos full? It's always a good sign when there's people sitting out in front by the tree too (At least a 3pm day:) I hope the luz (electricity) doesn't go out…oh ya within the first 2 hours ya se fue. ( ya it went. haha) After finishing, next heading to a meeting. Man gotta love mondays. And just when you think you're done and can eat a banana maybe or some now delicious rice that might be left over from lunch, just to have more for dinner in 30 minutes…I see Elena a Britiani. "Nati vamos a rezar víspers por la playa ahorita. Vas a venir?" ("Nati were going to pray evening prayer on the beach. Are you coming?") Ohh. So I would like to say that I was thrilled, and had every desire to pray with children on the beach, geez what's wrong with me, how could I not? My first thought was however was… (I'm sure oldies will appreciate this) Pucha nombre… (Really I'm not quite sure of the literal translation maybe like dangit man…haha) I just wanted sit down for a minute, or eat, or pee. haha. But before I could even finish that selfish thought:) "¡Nati apurate!" (Hurry up Nati!) "Ya vengo" (I'm coming) I love answering the kids with the same phrases they use :) I have to say when you can truly let go of yourself, even in the small things, you can receive such amazing graces! We had such a beautiful prayer time on the beach as the sun was setting with both chic as competing over who would read. I was trying to think of the last time I volunteered to read…let alone try and compete with someone for the reading. Excited to read the word of God though they probably don't realize the importance of the exercise nor the words, but doing it whole-heartedly anyway, making faces during the times they weren't reading, throwing grapes seeds, but what innocent prayer. I remember one time hearing at a conference that our prayer is simply an offering to the Lord. The speaker used a beautiful analogy about our prayer being like a picture a child draws and gives to his parent. The parent (hopefully) accept it for what it is and find the beauty in it. In the same way the Lord excepts our prayer with all its distractions and deems it as beautiful…then puts in on the fridge:)

Thank you Lord for a beautiful monday, bring on Tuesday:)

Ritiro

I apologize for the lack blogs, but it's been a whirlwind weeks. I recently went back to the states, though I just came from vacation. I went to spend time with my family, specifically in service to my grandpa, but really to serve my whole family. I can not say enough about discernment. It's such a beautiful tool God gives us. We never have to know the right thing to do, (even though I definitely stressed out trying to figure it out) all we have to do is listen. In the end I accepted the grace that was being given me, and went. What beautiful time I had with my family! I wouldn't trade it for the world, but how much suffering within my family in this moment. I was restless in my heart. My question was not so much why do people suffer or why do bad things happen to good people but, "Why God am I watching all this suffering if I can do nothing to change it?" I had just recently asked God the same thing when I witnessed 3 specific things in Honduras the week before.

This question stayed in my heart the whole trip. I did spend beautiful time just in the presence of my family though I did not feel like I was doing much. When the time came though it was hard to leave my heart knew where it was being called and I returned to the Finca for only a day because we were off to retreat! 8 hours, 11 people, one land cruiser…virtue building. The time away together was beautiful. I received many graces throughout the retreat, but God revealed to me my true mission. My heart had been wrestling with this question over the past year but especially in the past month. "God why am I watching all this suffering if I can do nothing to change it?" The beautiful CFR priest we had a on retreat shared with us, that he knows he can't change anyone or any situation, and for that feels relieved, but he can be present. I don't know why this was such a moment of epiphany for me…God's timing is perfect. Padre talked about how the Lord put the disciples into situations all the time that they didn't understand, and couldn't handle, and while they were trying to "figure it out" and "make sense of of it" like we all try to do, He was really just calling them to admit that they didn't know the answer nor what to do but trust in His plan. The Passion probably made the lest sense to them at all. And where were they? Scared, trying to figure it out. Our Lady, John, Mary Magdalene, Veronica, and all those that were "present" at the Passion simply trusted enough that though it didn't make sense, this was part of the grand plan. They couldn't do one single thing to ease even an ounce of pain from our Lord, but they were present, they suffered with Him, and no one more than our Lady throughout His entire life. To realize that I can't change Honduras, nor heal the hearts of our kids.  To know I can't take away my grandpa's cancer, nor my family's sorrows, doesn't answer the question but rather gives me purpose. My purpose is to be present, I can suffer with them. It is so amazing that while the circumstances, the situations I witness are no less intense, nor less painful, but my heart can find  some peace in my knowing my real mission, my presence. 

'

Ice Bucket Challenge Challenge

So I don't know if you all have heard about the recent rage in the states about the ice-bucket challenge for ALS, but I was challenged about 2 weeks ago maybe. The idea is that you pour a bucket of ice water on your head or pay $100 to raise money for ALS. As a side note ALS is a disease that has no cure, researchers aren't sure what causes it, and the majority of people don't live past 2 years that have it. It is a motor-neuron disease. Basically you're muscles don't receive the messages to move. The disease is progressive and eventually takes over your respiratory system. So your body is dying but your mind is still intact. 

My good friend contracted the disease in her early 20s (this is rare). She was a beautiful young women, friendly, outgoing, would "do anything for anyone" type of person,  studying architecture 

at UF, and a great soccer player. She had the disease for only about 6 months before she joined our Lord. Near the end of her time her she went into a coma. Myself, and a group of close friends, probably about 5-7 started a ritual. When we all got off work we made it to the ICU at 10' o'clock (I'm not sure how we got past the visiting hour thing) and we would talk, pray and sing in a circle around her bed. For me at that stage in my life, it opened my eyes to what it means to have friends in Christ, and the difference between other relationship. This was true love, the love of a soul. I will never forget this experience. Starr left us shortly after, but not before giving her last gift, her organs.

I did the challenge in honor of Starr. I decided to see if the girls would like to be involved. We talked about making a short movie clip and for my friend over the weekend. The girls were eager to help. Below is the clip we made along with some girls that showed up early for girls soccer that day. Sorry the sound isn't great, I was explaining in Spanish what I was doing and the older girls were translating in English aunque tenía pena. (Though they were a bit shy.) Also I think the challenge is supposed 

to be completed within 24 hours….but I live in Honduras...y así es la vida.  

Hora Santa

Every Tuesday we have a holy hour as a community at 7pm. The younger kids go to holy hour separate at 5. Usually the missionaries attend with the older kids but this past week I decided to go earlier. What a beautiful holy hour! Our Lord truly knows the needs of our hearts. Try to imagine a bunch of 8, 9, 10, and 11 years olds singing…at this point it's still more like screaming a bit in different pitches and different times. Then you have Yadi, who is 3, who is trying to sing along but really has just her own tune. 

We some of our really common songs but tonight I was able to really focus on the words in a different way this night. I'm sure any former missionary still appreciates Pescador de hombres. 

The chorus goes, "Señor, me has mirado a los ojos, sonriendo, has dicho mi nombre, en la arena he dejado mi barca, junto a Ti buscaré otro mar."

"Lord, You have looked into my eyes, smiling, You have said my name, in the sand I've left my boat, with You I will look for another ocean."(sorry if my translating is poor) It's just such a beautiful song and has so much meaning especially here. Another one says " Si yo no tengo amor, yo nada soy Señor." It's so simple, but so true. If I don't have love, I'm nothing Lord. Singing it over and over again it became a beautiful meditation. 

For those that know me I enjoy silent adoration….That being said an adoration like this would usually be very distracting and almost frustrating to me to the point where I would miss the beauty in it. This day however, by God's grace I was able to take it in and appreciate it for all that it was. It was honest, pure, and innocent. This is the way God wants us to pray, at the top of our lungs, making a joyful noise….He didn't say it had to be in tune :)

Video

So each weekend the houses in the same age group watch video together. I covered video with the teenagers tonight…and man they are movie talkers! Now I happen to be a movie talker as well but heh these teens didn't go more than 2 minutes. Just to be clear movie talkers are the people who can't go more than 5 minutes asking questions or making commentary continuously throughout a movie. The boys chose the movie this week (every week it switches off. Can you imagine only watching 1 movie and week and not even be able to pick it at that!) Anyways it makes for some interesting nights:) Like tonight for example, about 5 minutes into star wars Nelsy states, "no que feo este video." "¿Por qué?" Cesear asked. To which Nesly responded with, "porque me da asco", which literally means because it gives me stomach acid. haha. The boys chose star wars the newer series, but it was only in English. After we got all settled with our Coke and cookies, which I had to call out Daniel for taking 5 instead of one, Wilmer started translating but tired after about 3 minutes. 5 minutes into the movies they were all talking. Riccy, our oldest girl teen had to tell everyone to quiet down because she couldn't hear. Riccy has a very commanding manner without being rude. It's very helpful. I asked if anyone understood what was going on. So then I gave a cliff notes version to catch them up, and about every 5 minutes after that it was, y ¿ahora Nata? ¿q paso? (and now Nata? What happened?) So I began to give brief updates as we went along. I quickly realized that the vocabulary required to explain star wars is not something I possess. I guess between the clinic and day to day conversation I never picked up how to say spaceship or lightsaber…it was quite entertaining. At the end of the movie the boys were trying to convince the girls to watch the second star wars for next week. Guess who's turn it is to pick?!…Nelsy.haha. pobrositos (poor boys). They'll have to wait another week for their series...

Pijamada

The long awaited pijamada (sleepover) for casa 1 (house 1,  8-11 years old girls) took place this weekend. Pijamadas are a big deal in the Finca. Usually all the girls come and watch the first movie together, then Casa 1 goes home and the other girls stay up all night watching movies and making fun of the missionaries for drinking coffee and coke trying and make it through the night. This time however we promised the younger girls if they were all on green (good behavior) that we would do a special princess pijamada just for them. "Estan listas chicas bonitas?" "Are you ready pretty girls?" I asked Friday morning as I passed by the house. "SI! ¡Vamos a vestir en vestidos, y quedamos despierta todo al niche mirando videos!" (Yes! We are going to dress up in dresses and stay up all night watching videos!) ummm ya part of that. haha

We had it in the kinder classroom, which is small so we could be contained and it was much easier to decorate. By 6:30 we picked the girls up in the busito (our land rover) and headed over to the school with 6 girls, 8 mattresses and 3 missionaries. We had homemade cheese pizza, and purple frosted cupcakes while listening to the Frozen soundtrack. Libresoy, libresoy! (Let it go, Let it go!) Sing along…you know you want too! And we also know none of us know that those are the only words we know. haha

Man can those little girls can eat! I would definitely bet on Luz versus any house 5 (teenage) boy. Dinner quickly finished and we setup up our comfy floor. Everyone choose a spot pretty fast. It took a little longer to choose a princess movie but we finally settled on Mulan. So interesting to here those Disney songs that you can sing along to in your head in English, translated…:) We all did ok until about the last quarter of the movie. Yadi (our youngest who's 3) kept moving from mattress to mattress usually blocking someones view. Someone wanted to go brush their teeth, Elena wanted me to brush her hair, and Cati decided to put her head on my pillow saying, "estoy bajando mis piojos" (I'm giving you my lice basically) of course thinking this was hilarious. Thank goodness we had a piojos riding party 2 weeks ago, but still. Can never be too careful. My pillow is in a trash bag tonight and Tif and I saturated our heads in olive oil. haha. Oh the joys of finch life. (I have yet to have lice here, praise be to Jesus. I've already decided if I got it that I would cry, cut my hair, and then make myself get over it because this would be very vain…for anyone that doesn't know me I have very long, thick hair.) 

We made it half way through Pocahontus before we called it a night. It's so interesting how as the night goes on and the missionaries become more tired, that the girls seemed to have an increase in energy. We all agreed the only one who seem to have a very obvious sugar crash was Luz. She was sprawled out arms and legs on her mattress. Seidy was close after, then Cati. Elena made it the longest which was interesting because she was the first one up at 5:30 needing to go to the bathroom. They all woke up one by one, Luz was last. At six we told the girls it was still quite time and they needed to be resting…6-7am seemed a bit longer than usual. haha. They were all giggling moving from mattress to mattress as we ladies were in a half-drunk state. Tiffany mumbles, hey "Laura do you think this is what being a mom is like?" ya i remember waking climbing into my parent's bed on Christmas morning and them telling me the same.

" As I walked the girls back to the house they were all asking, "and Natalie why is the pijamada over?" "Well ladies pijamadas are more a nighttime thing." "No they should last all day!"…I'd be surprised if I can stay awake all day…I would glad we gave it chance. I think the three of us would agree were not sure that Casa 1 can handle pijamadas quite yet, but overall i think everyone enjoyed it. 

vaca is over....

Thank you so much for all those that took time out of your busy lives to spend time with me! I'm sorry that there wasn't more time to share. I really appreciate all your encouraging words, hugs, love, and prayers! I would say what I miss most from the states is the sacraments! and then all of you of course! But I would definitely encourage you all to pray about receiving the sacraments as frequently as you can! We are so blessed, because many parts of the world don't have that privelage. How humble our Lord is that we can not receive Him without our beautiful priests!

I have to say that as much as I enjoyed my time at home my heart was ready to return to the finca! What a great affirmation that this is still my vocation:) I was welcomed back with smiling children, neighbors, no electricity or water. But my bucket shower never felt so refreshing! Please continue to pray for us. You're prayers are so felt in our daily lives and we will be praying for you too!