Ritiro

I apologize for the lack blogs, but it's been a whirlwind weeks. I recently went back to the states, though I just came from vacation. I went to spend time with my family, specifically in service to my grandpa, but really to serve my whole family. I can not say enough about discernment. It's such a beautiful tool God gives us. We never have to know the right thing to do, (even though I definitely stressed out trying to figure it out) all we have to do is listen. In the end I accepted the grace that was being given me, and went. What beautiful time I had with my family! I wouldn't trade it for the world, but how much suffering within my family in this moment. I was restless in my heart. My question was not so much why do people suffer or why do bad things happen to good people but, "Why God am I watching all this suffering if I can do nothing to change it?" I had just recently asked God the same thing when I witnessed 3 specific things in Honduras the week before.

This question stayed in my heart the whole trip. I did spend beautiful time just in the presence of my family though I did not feel like I was doing much. When the time came though it was hard to leave my heart knew where it was being called and I returned to the Finca for only a day because we were off to retreat! 8 hours, 11 people, one land cruiser…virtue building. The time away together was beautiful. I received many graces throughout the retreat, but God revealed to me my true mission. My heart had been wrestling with this question over the past year but especially in the past month. "God why am I watching all this suffering if I can do nothing to change it?" The beautiful CFR priest we had a on retreat shared with us, that he knows he can't change anyone or any situation, and for that feels relieved, but he can be present. I don't know why this was such a moment of epiphany for me…God's timing is perfect. Padre talked about how the Lord put the disciples into situations all the time that they didn't understand, and couldn't handle, and while they were trying to "figure it out" and "make sense of of it" like we all try to do, He was really just calling them to admit that they didn't know the answer nor what to do but trust in His plan. The Passion probably made the lest sense to them at all. And where were they? Scared, trying to figure it out. Our Lady, John, Mary Magdalene, Veronica, and all those that were "present" at the Passion simply trusted enough that though it didn't make sense, this was part of the grand plan. They couldn't do one single thing to ease even an ounce of pain from our Lord, but they were present, they suffered with Him, and no one more than our Lady throughout His entire life. To realize that I can't change Honduras, nor heal the hearts of our kids.  To know I can't take away my grandpa's cancer, nor my family's sorrows, doesn't answer the question but rather gives me purpose. My purpose is to be present, I can suffer with them. It is so amazing that while the circumstances, the situations I witness are no less intense, nor less painful, but my heart can find  some peace in my knowing my real mission, my presence. 

'